Kismet

I never wanted to use this word, because of a bad experience I had before. One time, I dated this guy, and I didn’t know that he already went back together with his ex girlfriend turned girlfriend (again). I stalked this girl and I’m sure she stalked me, is always using “kismet” referring to their relationship. Well, when I was younger, I thought that she is a bitch. Well, she probably still is, I don’t know her personally, but thanks to her, I wouldn’t know how the real world is. I know she will be a good mother to her children (in the near future maybe?) and a good wife. 


But now, so many years had passed, I want to borrow this word. Kismet, meaning destiny or fate, a power that is believed to control what happens in the future, or when you encounter something by chance that seems like it was meant to be, then it could be kismet, your destiny.

I’ll believe that the reason why this person met me, is because of kismet. I will let this person see what life has to offer, that it has different colours and shades. It’s not only fiery red, it’s not just orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo or violet, that there’s a whole lot more, periwinkle, salmon pink, peach or burgundy. It has different gradients, light, medium and dark. Life has different layers and flavors, not just vanilla and chocolate, but there is hazelnut, coffee crumble or watermelon peach.

 I’ll believe that the reason why I met this person, is because he will also let me see that life is not as complex and harsh as it is. The shapes may have different sides, but there’s always an external boundary, and that it’s all the same. 

I’ll believe that kismet has sent its power to let us be together. It may be a struggle in the beginning because of differences, but it will prove how powerful kismet can be for two people who are meant to be. 

For the first time in two years since I arrived in Vancouver, I was thankful that I live here.

It was so hard, moving to a country where you’ve become a stranger. Different culture, language and belief made me more homesick. Lucky, as people would say who are looking for greener pastures, but for me, it was the opposite. It felt like it was the end of the world, having to move to a place where you feel alienated and unfit. People live to work here, no time for fun or leisure. A wound that was created since I moved, I thought would never heal. And little by little, taking one step at a time, I cried, I learned, I laughed, I made friends, I adapted. I still miss where I lived before, but I would never exchange it to what I have now, and I thank God for it. God has given me this opportunity that I never saw as an advantage, but as a punishment. God has His mysterious way of giving and taking things to and from you. I still think that not everything happens for a reason, but I believe that time can only heal you, and God has its perfect timing for everything. 

Jaded

I never knew what to write here, I never felt anything for now, I never want to move. My head is throbbing and my arms are dead..


Yeah yeah yeah! This is too melodramatic! I can’t do it anymore. I am a very emotional person but today, na-ah!  Emotional because I always feel that I am hurting, because of this certain person who doesn’t even know who I am (fuck this unknown person! But he always made me laugh.. Yet he really doesn’t know me!! Oh I’m going crazy!) I am also a ditzy person because I don’t even know what time it is. Oh wait! I know! It’s time to love.. To love the right person who’s meant for you.. Ooooh I can hear the beautiful sound of bells ringing, and I feel like it’s my wedding day!


Or maybe not, just tinnitus. Are you wondering what a tinnitus is? FYI, it’s a symptom with an underlying cause, ringing or buzzing in the ears. 

Jaded you say? Yes! I am so jaded! 

J – ust an ordinary person who

A – lways 

D – reams to be loved 

E – ngaged under the milky way and

D – ark, starry night

Okay, this is not what jaded is.

J – ust got up but

A – lready felt

D – ull and bleary

E – xhausted just because of..

D – uh?

Am I just creating an image of him in my mind?

But seriously mate! 

The night has eaten me out, feeling listless under this bed cover sheet. I stared into the blank space, but there is no space in my room.. It is too messy to even move. I have clothes on my bed, clothes on the floor and more clothes on my desk.. *sigh! I am so hungry.. And I haven’t eaten anything yet. Wanting to eat, I sluggishly crawled on my soiled carpet and reached out for the bronze knob. I tried to turn it counter clockwise, it didn’t open. I murmured open sesame and it opened. I saw my sister at the other side of the door. This should be a very sad quote. Can you feel it? Close your eyes and let the tears run down your eyes.. “Run run run into the tearduct, fly away, the lashes shall free you.” 

“O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou my Romeo”

Girl who lives in the west meets southern boy..

is actually a fabrication of my creative mind weaved through the white and gray matter of my brain. My limbic system has created a phantasm not even close to reality. No, we didn’t meet, no, he doesn’t like me, and there’re only two letters, an N and an O.

Do happy endings only exist in fairy tales?

I am a child who believes in fairy tales and happy endings — a Prince charming who would wake you up with a kiss and would risk his life to save a damsel in distress. I didn’t wish to be a damsel nor a princess, I would always just hope that a man would show up in front of me, hold my hand and run away to travel the world, ride the plane, sing together while on a roadtrip, lend his shoulders when I don’t feel too good and listen to me as a bestfriend. I felt excited to meet him, and I thought I already met him from the other side of the world. He became my coffee every breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was drinking a small portion, until I didn’t notice that I was unconsciously drinking more than usual. Eventually,  I got so addicted that I can’t even function well without it. It was unstoppable. 

Will there be a you and me? Will someone prove that it does exist? 

If you compare my emotions to an artwork, definitely, is an abstract. Inexplainable, undetermined, uncalculated. One thing I know for sure, it may take time but I am certain it will perfectly fall into place. I have a strong feeling about it, and you’ll be the first to know if it did. 



Chismoso/sa

Bakit ang daming chismoso at chismosa? Bakit hindi sila makuntento kung ano ang storya ng buhay nila? Bakit kailangan pang ikalat ang mali ng iba? Bakit kailangan ikwento ang lahat ng nalalaman mo sa iba? Matauhan ka! Wag kang chismoso at chismosa, kasi nakakairita. Ang apoy, hindi
kakalat kung walang hanging iihip.

407.

That is the bus number to Gilbert, while standing and waiting for this bus, I just cried. What if it already passed by the bus stop? It was only fall but I was freezing, literally freezing. Water on the road would turn to ice, my nose, ears and face would hurt until it would feel numb and my body would shiver when the cold wind blows. What if the next bus would come after 30 minutes? Feeling hopeless, i thought of sitting on the side street, and just sleep there. “If 15 minutes had gone by, I would leave and find the nearest shelter to have the warmth my body need.” That’s the phrase repeatedly playing on my mind. But God just helped me again, and amidst the tears, at last, the bus appeared in front of me.

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